Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
