her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just googled if crying burns calories
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
