I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
