I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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