Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
