Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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