Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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