There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why do cheetos always look like penises
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
