3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
