If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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