I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
