Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
