Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
