When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize