i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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