I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
