The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
