now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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