I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
