funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
