There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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