I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
