i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
