Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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