Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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