I cannot find my penis.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
operation harelip BJ is a go
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
