if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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