After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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