She's JV to your varsity
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
