Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
