No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
