dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
