I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
