Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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