out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize