Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
