I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
