This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
