Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize