My nipple is on Facebook.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
