you didnt know i had herpes?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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