she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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