I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
