Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
