yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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