this beer tastes like vomit already
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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