I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
