"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
