I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
