I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
