After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me I should be a condom model.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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