Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Who did Billy Mays play for?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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