I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
