You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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