I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
