i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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