eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
