I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
