I'm lost and stupid without you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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