And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
