Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
