It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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