we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
