Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
