Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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