i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
