and you said cock pushups were impossible
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
