he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
