My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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