How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i came on her dog
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
