The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
