i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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