I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
