Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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