I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
