Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
