Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Help. Why am I so naked?
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