we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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