Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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