You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
