At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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