I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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