they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
