I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
