Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
