I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
