I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
