you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
