Nicole vs. Life
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
