I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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