We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
