You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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