i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
