she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
