I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
