party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
